So annoyed with society….

We learn of the world from our various primary groups, family friends and societal structures reinforce some teachings through school and education. Well finally in my last year of twenties I realize, EVERYONE is winging it. What do I mean when I say this? Well, there is no guidebook to life. Hell if there was, something other than human fingers must have to write it because that’s the only way human thought would not influence it’s content.

In recent years, I have stopped being a follower of pop culture. Growing up, I always wanted the NEW NEW shit. Sneakers, clothes, hairstyles etc. Now being a poor black child, I didn’t have NEW NEW. I had used used. But you know tv, peers, stores, all make a person feel that there is a “right” style and look and if you can’t afford it, your the ass. Well I am ready to be a reject because I’m living life ON MY OWN FUCKING TERMS.

The icing on the cake for me in my new thoughts was the recent coming out about Mr jello, mr pudding pop, THE Dr Huxtable. All I have to say is, that’s how brainwashed society is. A man with money just proved he could rape women and get away with it. No charges, and the only reason this is shameful now is because of the changing perceptions on women’s rights. FUCK BILL COSBY. Time to use our gray and white matter with neurons and fucking connections to decipher the bullshit we are raised to think is life. Time to find out what life REALLY IS through self-education. We still have a public web that’s hard to control information , TAKE ADVANTAGE. The world’s getting smaller, truth is getting nearer…..

Someone can show you a picture and it say a 1000 words, but guess what? Our own personal experiences can say a whole lot more. Time to step back from socital goals and guidelines to create our own. My American culture DOES NOT define me.

Stella ❤

Birthday Fun in America……

Tags

America, Race, Sociology

OK, so I kinda fibbed a little in my previous posts. See I thought that my life would allow me to have the TIME to write faithfully every day or at least every other day. LIES ALL LIES!! The way my life is set up, I’m going to attempt weekly postings. But hey, this is my outlet right? So with that being said, I must not have as much as I thought to vent about for it to be daily. Or I do, but then by the end of the day something called sleep just happens because I’m just so exhausted with the mental actions of the day let alone physical.

Well , I just celebrated a 29th birthday. YAY! It was an enjoyable family weekend really. Circus with the kiddies, dinner out, dinner in, cake and ice cream yeah the whole 9 yards. Very relaxing. But there was this one thing that happened……

At our family dinner at a very nice but quite on the expensive side for a family of four restaurant,I was looked at like a fish in an aquarium. You read right, I was looked and pointed at, DURING MY EFFING MEAL, like some sideshow. OK let’s get the background for the visual. I’m in a nice ass restaurant with my kids and spouse. We in the appetizer mode, joking around, playing with the kids while finishing and waiting for our dinner. This nice restaurant happens to be inside of a mall. So yes, we were sat at a table that had a window view of…. the interior of a mall and its hallway. So of course the normal thing to see, especially since this view leads to an exit, is people leaving or entering the restaurant. And of course since it’s a real nice restaurant, there are some that are waiting outside of my front seat window view to get in. No biggie, I continue to enjoy my family time and play with my child.

Now this all my sound like ” OK…..Where’s the zoo looks come in at?”, don’t worry I’m going to get to it. So while I’m sitting , I take peaks at the window and instantly I’m making up defenses in my head like….No…..those people aren’t looking at me pointing, nooooo…..never……

But hey, when you’re a pretty woman in america people point and stare right? HELL NO….THEY DO NOT. This is when my mind begins to reel and now EVERYTHING THAT THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE IS DOING IS ANNOYING ME. I notice that the same shimmy I did in my seat to make my little one laugh, a woman repeats the move and then 2 old men looking like they just stepped off the set of Duck Dynasty peek around in the window with wide smiles ans laughs. Um ….I’m at dinner with my family and you are in line, so STAY IN YOUR EFFING LANE.

So needless to say, to continue enjoying my birthday meal me and spouse switched seats, and of course he being an Italian-Peruvian man, who looks like any other Anglo-Saxon in America, had no stares, looks or laughs.  Maybe I’m just crazy…..although I have been called a” N—–” at a VERY young age while walking home with my brother from a local grocery store. Same town, different years. I know I’m not crazy though….Do you think so?

Much Love!

Stella<3

Estelle

Tags

life, opinion, random

Well I  decided to re-visit the keyboard and write something about me.

I am a 28-year-old mother of two. I currently reside in Upstate New York, and I have for years thought about writing a blog to relieve stress and be creative, but this thing called Life presented challenges that did not give me time to feel free online and reveal anything. I am currently working in healthcare as a Practical Nurse and started pursuing the career of Registered Nursing last year, with 10 months and counting to go. I have been in the nursing field since 2009, thanks to the inspiration from my sickly mother, I decided that I wanted to make individual differences in lives, and have successfully been doing just that while advancing my career.

While attending school I re-kindled my passion for finding out about the world, people and my dreams. I realized that I was just “existing” in life and that I just continued to be safe in all my life decisions and in term, living my life as expected. But recently I asked myself, whose expectations am I living up to? I have always felt that my opinion was something no one but my immediate circle valued, and within the last 20 years of booming technological advances on the internet front, see that people become closer on the basis of opinions. I mean look around, if there’s more than one person with a similar attitude or opinion, usually there’s a group just for them. So with this line of thinking, I decided that I must not be alone in my many thoughts, fears wishes and earthly desires.

Now by NO MEANS am I a professional or even intermediate blogger. I’ve written a lot in my lifetime, but much of it being assignments, research and charting for my job. I decided to take some timeout of each day, or almost each day, and write a little bit to keep a record of my thoughts, see if anyone thinks like my writing, and vent to strangers who I HOPE will not judge me and make my life even more of a hell than I need. So let’s go for this ride eh? Oh no my Canadian side came out. Sorry folks, let the randomness begin.

❤ NurseEstelle

Woman, Nurse, Mother, FUNNY SARCASTIC CARING AND MOST OF ALL Human!

Why? UGH FRIGGING COMPUTER… OK OK its my fault.

Tags

black woman, college, dream, generation x, life, mother, newbie, nurse, nursing student, random, real, sarcastic, school, woman

Hello.

I had previously written a beautiful (..so I thought) first timer blog  entry, explaining why I decided to write, and gave a brief synopsis of me. Then in the blink of an eye *POOF* it disappears. OK, well maybe not poof, I accidentally pressed the x instead of _ to minimize the page, and I lost it. *Enters sad emoticon here*. I am so mad right now, but instead of saying ‘Fuck Blogs, Fuck the internet and Fuck writing’, I decided to just write in response. I am a 28, soon to be 29 -in-a-couple-of-days, nursing student, girlfriend and mother of two. I want to write in an effort to escape the pressures of Life and school, as well as to reach into my creative gut and start re-kindling the love of reading and writing that I know I pushed inside of my soul in order to conform to the standards of life and its demands. I live in a state many call New York City, but it’s really called NEW YORK STATE. Many New Yorker’s can relate, there is this huge ass state that when you say your from it, the first thing people think about is its $$ maker and attraction. I actually AM from that part, but do not currently( And haven’t for the last 16 years)  reside there. Maybe one day I can write  a blog of the not so liked Manhattan area I grew up in, but for now I will just say, no not the city , I’m an upstate New York-er.  I am choosing to write my opinions, thoughts life experiences, online in an effort to possibly spark the interest of others to spark their creative side, and to despite society’s conforming ways, always have those dreams you keep reaching for and working towards. I am in pursuit of a dream, and I Know I will obtain it….one day. Until then I want to keep a chronicle of all this shit that comes up in the pursuit of my happiness.

….to New Beginnings!

NurseEstelle ❤

Woman, Nurse, Mother, FUNNY SARCASTIC CARING AND MOST OF ALL Human!

Hello Internet, I’m ready for my 9-18 inch screen debut!

Tags

black, funny, life, mother, nurse, nursing student, opinion, random, sarcastic, school, venting

Hello. Although I am new to this world of blogging, I was practically raised online.  I grew up in the era of Oregon Trails and then dial-up AOL. So this idea of posting things for the world is something that I believe I am familiar with. I am currently a LPN in New York State and am in pursuit of my RN  only to keep going up in education , until I can call myself a Nurse Practitioner. Along this journey of learning and life I would love to check in from time to time and comment on whatever tickles my fancy. I am very opinionated and find that speaking my random thoughts to people does not always turn out how I would want it to ( feelings? what Your offended? Not my intentions…). Therefore I have started a blog as a hobby just to be able to feel semi-normal and vent.  I always had a passion for writing, I wrote many diaries as a child and at the age of 5 I wrote my very own picture book, that I wish I somehow kept through the years. So in an effort to reach down into my writing/reading soul, I will be very informal and randomly write to my hearts desire! I hope at very minimum SOMEONE enjoys this and becomes inspired to reach inside and pull their creative desires out and act.

With much nurse ❤

Estelle

Woman, Nurse, Mother, FUNNY SARCASTIC CARING AND MOST OF ALL Human!